Never Date Someone Poor - Jason Browne

[00:00:05] Speaker A: Hey, everybody, and welcome to the worst advice I ever got. I'm your host, Sean Taylor, along with my producer JB. And today our guest is Jason Brown. Jason is a master storyteller and speaker from State College, Pennsylvania who ignites stages with his unique blend of radio flair and marketing savvy, touching hearts and minds across the globe with notable collaborations with giant brands like Facebook and Microsoft. His local impact shines as board chair of three dots downtown and a leader in the downtown State College Rotary Club. A two time award winning radio personality, he invites those around him to fun and thoughtful conversations with the mantra, use what you love to fight what you hate. Jason, thanks so much for being with us today. [00:00:49] Speaker B: Absolutely. Thank you for having me. I appreciate being here. [00:00:51] Speaker A: So tell us, Jason, what's the worst advice you ever got? [00:00:54] Speaker B: The worst advice that I ever got was to not date anybody poor. [00:01:00] Speaker A: Oh. Makes me want to listen and hear more about what you have to say. [00:01:05] Speaker B: I instantly feel icky. So just know that as soon as those words came out of my mouth, I started sweating. You might not see it, but it's just not visible on the screen. My grandmother was the one that mentioned this to me. It was on a random day. My grandmother would randomly give me advice when she was over the house. Like she'd just be walking around and just stop me as I'm on my way to the kitchen to grab a sandwich. You'd be like, Jason, here's a random piece of advice that you don't need to know. I'm like, mom, mom, leave me alone. I just wanted a sandwich. So to know that that's her mo. And she would make me look in her, in her eyes and say, jason, anytime in the future where you choose to date someone seriously, maybe you're going to get married, make sure they have at least as much money as you do. I was like, what? Where is this coming from? She's like, oh, I just want a hot dog. That's what I want. Mama. [00:01:59] Speaker A: You're a developing teenager and you're just out to feed the grumblings in the belly. And she just offers this token. Tell us more about your grandmother. What'd you call her? Your mom. [00:02:12] Speaker B: My mom. So she was a fireball of a humanity. She's no longer with us, but she's the type of person that was not afraid to express her opinions. And she made it clear that if she disagreed with you, you would know she was a lovely human and also a very particular human. [00:02:32] Speaker A: Tell us about why she felt that way. [00:02:37] Speaker B: The reason why she probably felt the need to tell me that information, to tell me the worst advice that I ever got. I think that stems from something in her past. My grandma held on to maybe a negative experience that she had. I don't know this for certain, but it just feels like it comes from that place. A place of hurt, a place of pain, a place of, like, I tried this thing, and I don't want you to have to go through this and mischaracterizing it and just calling it poor, calling it money, calling it about that thing. It just came out. She had to tell me this because it was on her mind. [00:03:12] Speaker A: Did she. Did she grow up poor, Jason? [00:03:14] Speaker B: So I'm just recently so poor is a spectrum, right? Having money, not having money, and the circumstances to which you do have money or don't have money, and to the range in which you do or don't is going to be vast. Somebody could say that I make $100,000 a year and be like, dang you, poor. I'm a billionaire, right? Or it could be like you're making minimum wage or that you're. That you have to be in government assistance or some. Some. Somewhere in that. And on this spectrum, I don't know exactly where my grandmom started from, but I do know this. I was helping my aunt move, and my aunt has these massive bins of pictures, so she's gone through and try to piece together these stories along the way. And while I was there, she was sharing with me these pictures of when she was growing up. Then at one point, I remember very clearly, she took out a photo, and she's like, this is one of those times that we didn't have power to the house, and we had to, like, you know, cuddle together for this period of time because we were strapped for money. And I never heard that part of their youth before. And she said it with almost an interesting level of fondness of being, like, still remembering those moments with my mom and with my grandfather, my pop pop, of being like, that was a good moment for her. Cause she was a kid. She didn't know any difference of, like, what was good or bad, what was poor or what was not. You didn't know this. And I don't even think she recognized the struggle in the photo. But my mom would have seen the struggle. Obviously. She was the parent. She was the one providing. And I think that that is part of the reason why my grandma told me that. My mom told me the worst advice that I ever got. [00:04:56] Speaker A: I find it very interesting when people give the answer to the worst advice I ever got. So how did you land on this being the worst advice you ever got? [00:05:06] Speaker B: When the question was asked of what was the worst advice I ever got, I think of the people that I trust. One of my good friends, his name is Larry, he says that the people in your inner circle have the most impact on you. And so your filter for filtering out what is good or bad is biased. And you might say to yourself, oh, that's a good idea. Because it's my mom, it's my best friend, it's my pop up, it's my dad, my uncle. So I think the reason why I said this is the worst advice, because she was, she is in that circle of I am going to listen to what you have to say. And it was one of the first times within my family that I remember being like, that feels weird to, did you do it? [00:05:51] Speaker C: Did you like, whoa, no, you're too poor. I can't date you. [00:05:53] Speaker B: I wouldn't say that is something that I listen to. I wouldn't say it's something that is in any evaluation criteria, because I do not agree with assessing, especially love and the ability to connect with a human being on such a personal level on something so trivial. It'll be like this thought that flies across my brain. Like, it's like this screaming cartoon character that's like. And then it just goes away. So did I ever listen to the advice? I don't think that I actively or passively have used that as a level of evaluation for a relationship, but it is something that unfortunately does fly through my brain occasionally. [00:06:37] Speaker A: It's interesting because it kind of feels like it falls in the category of trivial. So if it is trivial, how can that trivial advice still be largely impactful to the way we live our lives? [00:06:48] Speaker B: Whether it's trivial or not is dependent in my mind on how I use that information. I think that understanding that there are differences between groups of people when you are getting into a relationship, this could be anything. It could be race, it could be culture, it could be nationality. It could be where you grew up, or it could be money. That is a piece that I got out of what she said that I do not think is a trivial thought, but I allowed myself to say, is there truth in there somewhere? [00:07:26] Speaker C: Like, is money just not something you think about? [00:07:28] Speaker B: I used to think that money was valuable in the traditional american sense. Is it? Is it trivial? To me, I think money is a way of accomplishing the things in life that you want and to be able to help your friends and family along the way. But if you need to make sacrifices when it comes to money to. In order to get from point a to point b, then you do. [00:07:47] Speaker A: So, Jeff, I think it's a great point about the importance of money or where it prioritizes in our lives. Right. When she gave you this advice, I go back to what your age was. You were 14 or 15 somewhere in that area. And she talked about it from a dating perspective. Do you think she was really planting the seed early? Don't marry someone poor. [00:08:08] Speaker B: 100%. I do think that she tried to market her comment to me at least a little bit. She understood her audience. Even though she tried to market this to me, she still was missing. She still did not give me the full breadth of context enough to really process this. I had to do it on my own after the fact. [00:08:26] Speaker C: So that's really what made it the worst for you. Is that so? It's not only the information that you don't agree with. It's also, you didn't even give me the whole context. [00:08:33] Speaker B: Correct. And if I were to have just taken that and my identity began to form around this, I think of advice sometimes, like ivy. If I allow an idea to just be able to plant, and it just starts to grow all of these other little arms and all these other places, and it creeps into different places. If my guard was down far enough, I could have allowed this ivy to seep in places and change, possibly how I think about relationships. And it's just a warning call to be able to say to myself, hey, when my nieces and nephews come up, the advice that I give, I have to be so careful with this, especially with youth, of not planting the incorrect seeds, because that could be really bad. [00:09:22] Speaker A: Well, how important has money been for you in the context of your life's goals? [00:09:27] Speaker B: So it shifted over time. Money became part of a bigger picture. And so in my investigation of this, like, what does money mean? This concept that I found, it's a popular concept called ikigai. It's a phrase in Japanese that speaks to four different areas of one's life. If you were able to combine these four things and find this perfect intersection, that's where true happiness is, and it relates to money. And here's how. First, one of these sections is, what can I get paid for? What am I good at? What does the world need? And the last thing is, what do you love? And so if you were able to combine each of these four things together and you were able to live a life that balanced these things out. That's what true happiness can look like. In that context, getting paid takes a whole new meaning than a bank account. And if you're able to just say, where am I getting paid? Enough to actuate, make everything else happen in this really beautiful way, especially as it supports other folks. Money just becomes less important when you think about love and dating and marriage and finding the right partner, and money becomes less important. It becomes this thing that does not define the subsequent action. Money becomes the thing that supports what you are already seeking and working towards. And that, to me, is where money lies. That's where, whether you're rich or poor, it doesn't matter. What matters are these other four elements and how they all come together. And whatever that means for me and whatever that means for you, that's where money comes in. That's the value of it. [00:11:06] Speaker A: If I can translate ikigai sort of saying, you need to weave in the significance from day one and aligned money and security with purpose, I think that. [00:11:17] Speaker B: That is the strongest way to think about it, of not delaying this chance of finding a deeper fulfillment in life. Money is not the focus, and I think that's the most frustrating thing. When my grandmother gave me the worst advice that I ever got was because she almost reinforced an aspect that was definitely not important to my identity, definitely not important to how I see Ichigai, definitely not important to how I want my life to be. So if I could help share these concepts with my nieces and my nephews to say, hey, listen, not only does love come in a lot of different ways, but money does not matter in the same way. I know you see your parents working. I know you see them trying to provide. But if you can, at an early age, begin to weave money into all the other aspects of your life and really try to find something that is a value to you and for those around you, I think that's where you'll be most happy. [00:12:16] Speaker A: I never met your mom. Mom. I've only known her for the 20 minutes or so that we'll be together today. I think what she was saying is, you'll most likely have a partner in life one day, and if money problems prevent you from living the life you want to live, you'll hurt from that. [00:12:37] Speaker B: I agree that that's an aspect of what she was getting at. It is frustrating because as adults, especially when we talk to youth, we try to convey these nuggets of insight to express these complicated and really massive aspects of our life. What you just said is a portion of it all my grandma was hurt in some sort of way. My grandma was pained, and she had to go and fight through stuff for my dad and my aunt. She had to provide and struggle through all that. And that pain is the reason why, I suspect she gave me all this. Yes. To help prevent me and teach me these lessons. And that's the sugar coating of this advice. But the raw thing is, she was hurt, and she tried to give me advice out of a place of hurt. And giving advice from a place of pain also can leave scars for the folks that you're giving advice to. And I'm really, really, really glad that I was able to figure that out at a young age. [00:13:41] Speaker A: That's great. That's very insightful. If you do get advice, maybe it's good to ask where that advice is coming from. And when you're giving advice, maybe it's good to preface it or follow it up with, here's where I'm coming from. [00:13:55] Speaker B: I will say one thing to that point is, if I would have been like, so, mom, tell me where this is coming from. My mom would have looked at me and been like, go get your hot dog. Don't ask me another question, and have a good day, that would not have happened. So there's a certain vulnerability that needs to exist, too, and it's not always there, but it's worth asking if you have the chance. [00:14:14] Speaker A: How did this advice, Jason, evolve? [00:14:17] Speaker B: So, in the hallway with my grandmother, it started off just as a fleeting thought. Even though I still had my guard up to a certain extent, it still kind of hovered in my brain a little bit. I didn't let it plant, but it still was there. And as I got older, there were still remnants of this advice that would creep out every once in a while. Maybe I'm in the process of, like, you know, courting somebody, and I'm, like, saying, oh, she's pretty. Hmm, that's kind of cool. Well, she kind of likes me. There'd be, like, this part of my brain that would be, like, that one sentence from my grandmother would come flying through my brain, is she poor? And, like, in this real creepy. Is she for. And then it would keep flying by, and I'd be like, okay, I'm not letting that idea sit. But it was that one little impression that my grandmother left me with of just a reminder of just, I don't want to think that way. As I've gotten older, as I've learned about ikigai, as I learned about relationships, as I learned about the differences in cultures and the importance of communication and relationships and just in society in general. I began to really understand that by making blanket statements like, don't date somebody poor, don't date somebody with less money than you. Don't do this one thing upon this label that I can just slap onto you. It became even more aggressively dissonant to me for face value. The advice seems even worse today than it was when she randomly stopped me on my way to my hot dog. I still want that hot dog fair. [00:15:56] Speaker A: Well, look, I think that your mom. Mom has been a great source of the worst advice have you ever got? And she has delighted us in this episode today. Jason, I can't thank you enough for coming in and offering up this context for what impacted you and just sharing a little bit about it. I really, really appreciate you joining us. [00:16:25] Speaker B: Thank you. And thanks to you, too, my mom, wherever you are, hopefully everything is good. [00:16:30] Speaker A: JB, this advice came from a close family member that clearly Jason loved and respected a lot, and that always creates conflict. And Jason made it a point to say because it was someone so close to you that you trust, your filter might not work as hard to discern that it's bad advice. [00:16:50] Speaker C: Absolutely. I mean, that's usually the people that are closest to us can give us the most harmful advice because you're like, well, look, I want to give you the benefit of the doubt. [00:16:57] Speaker A: Yeah. The other thing that really struck a chord to me in this one was, you know, when you're giving advice from a place of pain, really can leave scars for the people that you're giving advice to, and it's not intended. But I do think that that's a real, real danger zone when we're giving advice. [00:17:16] Speaker C: Yeah. No one had really put it so kind of succinctly. I like how he just brought it to, like, a place of pain, like, something that hurt you. You might actually be inflicting pain on the other, that on the other person without even knowing it, like, you're imprinting on them. [00:17:29] Speaker A: Yeah. We naturally think that because we were harmed by it, that it's terrible advice. That doesn't necessarily make it terrible advice. It just makes it personal. Right, right. [00:17:38] Speaker C: And you got to put yourself. We say this all the time, the context for the other person. What is the advice for you or is it for them? And if you. I think it was in this scenario, it was for her. [00:17:50] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I really love what Jason talked about, Ikigai and how that can provide true life's happiness. And I really think that's a great takeaway from today's episode. [00:18:04] Speaker C: Yeah, I think it all blends into his where does love and money intersect? And where does happiness and money intersect? And basically, I think what he was saying was he just doesn't think about money in that way. He's like, money is a thing. And I get it. You need money to be successful and to do all these things and to buy house and safety and provide for your family, all those things, but that you shouldn't think about money when it comes to anything else. Love, happiness, self respect, any of those things. [00:18:30] Speaker A: Yeah. No, I agree. I tell you what we need to be successful. JB, is people that give a podcast a five star rating. So shameless. Plug here, folks. If you really enjoy what you're listening to here, if you wouldn't mind going out there and doing that for us, it can continue to give us a high rating and to continue bringing you great content like what you heard from today. So go ahead and do that for us. Be sure to tune in next week to another episode of the worst advice I ever got.